When Helping Hurts

As a manager in my mid 20's, I recall meeting with a team member who was struggling to decide their next steps on a project. I had managed such projects over the years so I enthusiastically shared my experience, what I learned, and how they can avoid my mistakes . Their face lit up and for the next 20 minutes they asked numerous detailed questions while frantically taking notes to not miss a word.

When this same team member returned with strikingly similar questions for a different project, I was eager to help once again and brainstormed fresh ideas while they took more notes. At the time, I took pride in making their work easier by giving them answers I already knew and this meeting felt like good leadership. This was the extent of our working relationship until they eventually left for another opportunity. I didn't realize it until much later, but the most important part of those conversations wasn't what I said. It was what I unintentionally normalized.ff

What we're hearing

This summer, new and emerging leaders across Lead2Bloom partners and online leadership communities have been wrestling with an unexpected realization: I know how to do the work. I'm just not sure how to help someone else learn to do it.

Many describe stepping into leadership feeling prepared to answer questions, solve problems, and share what they've learned through experience. However, what no one teaches is that leadership asks for something different. Instead of being the person with the answers, they're expected to help others develop their own.

What’s Beneath the Bloom™

Answering questions and problem-solving based on your experience is important but not the whole story. Being helpful is often a quieter assumption held my new and emerging leaders: my job is to have the answers. Whether it plays out like, "I'll handle it myself," "It's faster if I just explain it," or "I don't want my team to struggle with something I already know," the intention is almost always the same. We want to help.

Ironically, our desire to make work easier can become the very thing that keeps others from growing into their own leadership era. The hidden shift is that a leader's job isn't to solve every problem. It is to develop the people solving them.  In doing so, we build confidence instead of dependence.

What’s possible

Every conversation shapes the environment your team works in. When leaders solve every problem, people learn to rely on the leader. When leaders create space for people to think, contribute, and wrestle with challenges, they build confidence, capability, and ownership over time. The goal isn't to remove every obstacle. It is to create the conditions where learning happens every day and people become more capable because of it.

Cultivate these habits:

🌿 Ask one more question before giving an answer.

🌿 Invite people to share their thinking before you jump in to do so using language such as     

        ‘What approaches have you considered?’ Purposefully connect your thoughts to theirs

🌿 End every conversation with, "What's your next step and are there any barriers I  

        can remove?

The A in the Lead2Bloom PLANT Principle™ stands for Act with Intention. Imagine what’s possible when new and emerging leaders partner with Lead2Bloom™ to build coaching habits such as asking thoughtful questions, encouraging ownership, and guiding problem-solving.

Creating space for people to wrestle with challenges, exercise judgement, and contribute to solutions is an investment in a team that needs you less and contributes more.